1072 Defeat

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It shouldn't be, it can't be. not like this.

He was struggling, he was struggling with all his strength, like a madman, but no matter how he struggled, he could not feel any strength in his limbs, and even the tingling sensation of the rope rubbing against his wrists and ankles had completely disappeared, as if ...as if he had become a high paraplegic again.

Below the neck, no sensation is felt. Even the daily excretion of metabolism can only be completed with the help of other people, that sense of shame, that sense of powerlessness, even if you lie on the hospital bed for ten years, it is still deeply imprinted in your mind, and you will never be able to. Habits can never be destroyed.

No, no, no, he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to either. If this is the case, he would rather end his life like this. Only after he has truly experienced freedom can he understand that "stolen life" is the most terrifying and terrifying thing in the world. he does not want.

Suddenly, a bloody smell spread in the mouth, and the strong bloody smell made the voice indistinct, "No, no, no no", all the words have disappeared, only one is left. Simple syllables, but can't tell whether it is denying or rejecting.

He still refuses to give up, refuses to compromise, and struggles frantically. However, all the efforts seemed to be in vain. On the other side of the ring, it was fate, the universe, and the whole world. It only took one finger to completely defeat him. His insignificance, so insignificant, even lighter and weaker than a speck of dust.

The natural universe is so big, but his world is so small.

"Jiashu, Jiashu!" A shout rushed from far to near, and then a pair of hands fixed his constantly shaking head, shouting from close to hand, "Jiashu, calm down, cold... "Quiet..." But as he spoke, his voice choked up, and the words quietly disappeared between his lips and teeth, and stumblingly said, "At least, at least you are still alive. At least..."

In those familiar eyes, he saw his own reflection, the former Chu Jiashu, with black hair, yellow skin, black eyes, slightly thin, with sparse eyebrows, but at this moment, his lips were dyed. With a touch of bright red, the blood between the lips and teeth stained the lips, but the paleness of the complexion became more and more reflected, as if a cuckoo weeping blood, sprinkled on the white silk.

No, he is no longer Chu Jiashu. He's Renly Hall now, he's out of the hospital bed now, he's successfully chasing his dreams, he's truly himself, it shouldn't be, he's trapped in Chu Jiashu's body again in, but... but he was Renly Hall. No, that's not right, that's not possible.

"No! No! Impossible, this is impossible. No!" He roared frantically, struggling constantly, the whole world was shattered, even facing the universe, that powerful force was enough to shake, but... He realized that all the mountain and tsunami just happened in his mind, it was just his soul fighting.

In fact, in real life things are calm.

In the projection of Ding Yanan's eyes, he saw pain, he saw suffering, he saw struggle, and he also saw... motionless himself. All his struggles, all confrontations, all unyielding, all anger, all are just thoughts in his mind, his body, there is no response, no response at all.

So cruel, hit hard.

So, is "Renly Hall" just a dream? All that is just a beautiful dream of his? Now, after waking up from the dream, he is back to reality again, back to this immobile body, back to the fate that he can't fight no matter how hard he tries.

How beautiful the dream is, how cruel the reality is.

With ease, all the psychological defense lines were completely defeated, and he was caught off guard. He didn't even have time to make a defensive posture, and the whole person began to fall apart.

He closed his eyes tightly, and the hot tears slid down violently. He clenched his teeth tightly to prevent his despair and vulnerability from leaking out, but the steady stream of tears had already burned his cheeks, the helplessness and dazedness firmly bound his body, and then it was like this Falling slowly, falling endlessly.

"Jiashu, don't do this. Everything will be fine, Jiashu, don't give up easily." Ding Yanan's voice was full of pain, standing by the side, but helpless, she wiped away the tears on her son's cheeks, but instantly Wet again, the scalding temperature made Ding Yanan withdrew his right hand and covered his mouth firmly to prevent himself from crying.

Why is this happening?

What exactly is a dream? Is Renly a dream, or is "Gravity" a dream? Is the life of the past twenty-three years a dream, or is the thirty-two years in the hospital bed a dream? Is he Ren Li or Chu Jiashu? Is he still an actor?

When he opened his eyes again, the universe disappeared, and the earth disappeared. He could only see the white space in the ward, and he heard the voices of family members and patients on other beds talking, which were familiar Chinese. Everything is so real that there is no way to refute it.

Those movies, those plays, those friends, those lives... all the memories gradually began to blur, getting further and further away, almost disappearing. About London, about New York, about the actor, everything is just his dream, he is still Chu Jiashu, still the patient trapped in the hospital bed.

Those freedoms, those dreams, those memories...and the

On the skateboard, the sound of the wind in my ears; on the surfboard, over the huge waves above my head; climbing on the cliffs, the whistling wind and the blue and clear sky... that all, all It's all just an ethereal dream.

In real life, he is still trapped in this square inch of land, and he can't even take care of his basic life.

So what else can he do?

He couldn't do anything but wait quietly to die.

From reality to heaven, and from heaven back to hell, the huge gap of ups and downs suddenly overwhelmed the tall body of the camel, and all the willpower was shattered. This time, he didn't want to fight. He gave up.

Open his teeth and bite his tongue. As long as the tongue is cut off, the surging blood will block his throat in an instant. Even if he does not bleed to death, he will be directly suffocated to death. This is the best ending. Without hesitation, resolutely, he bit down.

"Jiashu! Jiashu! Don't scare me, Jiashu!" Ding Yanan's hands trembled constantly, stuck his son's chin tightly, and then tucked his fingers in, preventing the teeth from closing. , The pain that surged like a tide almost made Ding Yanan faint, but she still gritted her teeth and refused to let go, "Doctor, doctor."

Between the shouts, tears fell like this, "Help, who can come and help, save my son, doctor, doctor! Please, please." Ding Yanan's voice had completely collapsed, and he shouted tremblingly , that helpless despair, like a black hole, completely involved all vitality and disappeared.

Then the doctors and nurses rushed over, they grabbed his jaw and freed Ding Yanan; they put braces on him to stop his continued attempts; they deprived him of his last rights, and now he even committed suicide There may be no more, and I can only continue to lie here like a walking corpse.

No more, all is gone.

Now, the only thing he can do is to widen his eyes and express his emotions with his eyes. Even the movements of shaking his head and opening his mouth have been firmly fixed. Except for his eyes, all other parts cannot move. This is the real helplessness, like the helplessness hanging in mid-air, unable to reach the sky or the ground, and even resisting can't find a point of leverage.

"I hate you." He looked at Ding Yanan and saw the bloody right hand out of the corner of his eyes. He couldn't help but closed his eyes to cover up his pain and struggle, and Yu Xin couldn't bear it, so he resolutely and cruelly said the punishment. words of the heart.

But even these words were blurred because of the braces, and the saliva kept flowing out, like a patient who had lost his mind. The last trace of dignity, his last trace of dignity has been deprived, this is even more cruel than the red fruit, the sense of shame can be felt from the depths of the soul.

"I hate you," he said again, his slurred words drenched in tears, drool all over his chin, his desperation, his helplessness, his pain, and his anger, all All were torn to shreds.

"Jiashu, don't do this."

"I hate you! You are so selfish, you are not for me, you are for yourself. If you are really for my own good, let me go, I don't want to be stuck here, I don't want to be tied here, and then Tie you here too. I don't want to, I don't want to! My life, your life, is all tied to this hospital bed, nothing.

Don't you know how vast the outside world is? Don't you know there's more to our world than just this damn hospital bed? I don't want to stay here, I don't want to tie you here, let me go, when the car accident happens, I should be dead, I should be dead there! Why save me, why? "

He was talking, even if it was vague, he was still talking persistently, the thirty-two years of Chu Jiashu's life, the twenty-three years of Renly's life, all the ups and downs, all the excitement, all in an instant. It broke out, even if he couldn't say a word clearly, he didn't give up, just spoke firmly.

However, when those words fell into Ding Yanan's ears, there were only babble syllables left. It seemed that Chu Jiashu's soul and personality were dying little by little. She was so helpless that she turned to the doctor. , "He...he..." She tried to give some help, tried to return her dignity to her son, but was overwhelmed, she could only helplessly and shook her head.

"Jiashu, don't say that, you are my son, how can I give up on you? I can't do it, I really can't do it."

Nightmares, hell, disasters, he seems to have returned to the dream that he can never wake up from, but what is a dream and what is reality?

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