Four Hundred and Eighteenth to Clarify the Thoughts

What does death mean, what does cancer mean, does he really understand? Or, does Will really understand?

In the last life, as Chu Jiashu, he once embraced the god of death, not with fear, not with fear, but with a trace of relief. After ten years of long torture and torment, except for those sporadic moments of happiness, most of the time, he was there. waiting for death to come. He was tired, he was just tired.

He knew that he was only thirty-two years old, too young to die, really too young, and withered before the Mood for Love opened. However, the endless life is always in place, and when it is announced that it is over, he is happy.

Only at the moment when darkness completely descended, did his desire to survive burst out, like a comet sliding across the night sky, bursting with powerful energy in an instant, but before it could be released, it disappeared.

So, he started to run, running towards the light. The fear and threat of death is only a momentary moment.

The same goes for Will.

Even if the doctor diagnosed him with cancer; even if his mother fell into a breakdown because he was worried about him; even if his girlfriend left his life in a betrayal way because of cancer; even if the psychiatrist kept trying to enlighten him and let him express his inner feelings Emotions; even if a friend pulls him and uses cancer to strike up a conversation at a bar; even if everyone around him looks at him in a strange way, as if he is already a dead person...

However, he still didn't feel real.

Cancer and death seem to be just a small change in life, he has to start chemotherapy, it's as if he suddenly decided to go out to walk the dog every day - only, this "dog walk" is a special place, fixed time, fixed time location, fixed action. The desire to survive and optimistic attitude are supporting him to continue on. Beyond that, life changes never really hit him.

Those trivial details, accumulated little by little, changed his life pattern, invaded his living space, and affected his way of life. He is afraid, he is apprehensive, he is uneasy, he is irritable, he can feel that his life is changing little by little, but he is powerless to stop it, but this change is not earth-shaking after all, he can step by step Back off, adjust, compromise.

Until one day, the doctor told him that chemotherapy did not work, the cancer cells were still spreading, and surgery was the only option, success or failure. As a result, all the back roads were cut off, he was forced into a corner, there was no retreat, and the quantitative change finally caused a qualitative change.

The sense of reality was like a spark hitting the earth, slamming into his chest hard. The fork in the road is here, after closing his eyes, he may never be able to open them again, and, it's not up to him to decide, he can only lie on the cold operating table/waiting for judgment, Completely handicapped.

That despair, that anger, that pain, that sadness, erupted in an earth-shattering burst. He hated the world, hated everyone around him, hated everything in life. He just knew one thing: he wasn't ready to die.

Just a momentary time. Because, after that, Will's surgery was a success and he was given a new lease of life. Will knows what cancer means, and what death means, but after all, like a tide, the tide will ebb after the tide, and in the passage of time, the blood will quietly withdraw from the blood, and the sense of reality will disappear again.

Chu Jiashu is like this, Will is like this. Adam in the script is the same. He had already figured this out on the plane from New York to Seattle, but he still didn't think it through enough.

However, Adam was even more at a loss than Chu Jiashu.

Because the high paraplegia is real and immediate, Chu Jiashu can clearly feel that he has lost control of his limbs, but he is still at a loss until he realizes that he has lost control of his bladder. ,

The sense of shame engulfed him, and the sense of reality became clear.

For Adam, the impact of cancer is slowly invading. He is adapting little by little, groping little by little. The germination of that emotion has a gradual process. Long and true.

But at the moment, when the doctor diagnosed, Adam was just at a loss and at a loss. What happened to "other people" suddenly happened to me, that kind of overwhelm.

Not so much shock, not so much pain, not so much despair, not so much ups and downs, and not so many ups and downs. Confused, just confused, the brain is blank and confused, in addition to a little panic, that's all.

Such a performance is Chu Jiashu and Adam, but it should not be Chu Jiashu, but Will and Adam. The boundary between reality and fantasy has been completely disrupted. The last life, this life, Will's, Renly's, memories, scripts, and countless story fragments have been disrupted. He must sort out his thoughts and find out. When it came to Adam, the moment of confusion and panic.

Outside the glass window, there was tranquility, and the river flowed endlessly. Ren Li couldn't help but look farther and farther, and the whole world became bigger and wider, as if there was no end in sight, boundless.

But in his mind, he couldn't help thinking, in the universe, is he like a speck of dust, so insignificant that his existence has no meaning; in other corners of the world, are there still people Facing a similar predicament to him, I don't know how they dealt with it; should the war-torn lives in the Middle East and Africa be more sympathetic than cancer...

Eugene Sledge. When his beliefs were torn to shreds, when his soul fled into darkness, when his life fell into silence, was death a relief for him, and was life a torment for him? Compared with the fragile lives that disappeared on the battlefield, he at least still has a chance to fight hard, but how should he fight?

How high is the cure rate for cancer? What is the death rate? What cancer does he have? Why can't he remember at all? That name is really hard to remember. He has never heard of it before. There is a long list of letters. Haven't even the doctor seen it before? So is this a good thing or a bad thing?

The focal length of the line of sight began to become blurred, the thoughts began to run wild, and all kinds of ideas flooded in. A sound of "Bah" pierced through the glass wall and hurt his ears. The thoughts soaring in the sky were instantly gathered in, the focus was refocused, and then he was stunned. What was he thinking about just now?

Yes, cancer. Wait, what cancer is he? Cancer and high paralysis in the end which is more terrible? Which is more cruel, cancer or war? Cancer is due to genetic mutation, so what does that mean, God's choice? Or God's abandonment?

Once again distracted, Renly lowered his head and looked at the cigarette in his hand, a little dazed: Shouldn't he smoke? After all, if you have cancer, you should be healthier in order to survive. Wait, or should he start smoking? Because, cancer, anyway, life is not long, if you don't enjoy and wanton at this time, will you have no chance in the future?

Why is he standing here, shouldn't he be working? work, yes! He finally remembered, he was shooting a movie, he was an actor.

Renly withdrew his gaze and stood there, but still a little confused. Countless memory fragments were mixed together, he put the cigarette in his hand in his jacket pocket, and then Renly took another step towards the office——

In order to film the scenes of the hospital, the crew did not build a studio in the studio, but rented an office in the hospital for filming. They rented a floor dedicated to office use, as far as possible to avoid disturbing the daily work of the hospital, and would not create any riots.

"I can't understand, I think he's a lunatic, a self-righteous lunatic."

"I can't see his way of doing things, what is his purpose, and I can't find any clues at all."

"So he's a lunatic."

"I think he may be under a lot of pressure. After all, everyone says that his acting skills are outstanding, and he can't help but want to keep improving."

"Why do I feel so arrogant? The scene just now was very good. I don't think anyone can give a more wonderful performance. He just made this gesture deliberately, as if he was a real acting master. ."

...

The voices of Xixi and Susuo were whispering, and in a limited space, even if they couldn't hear them clearly, it was almost the same. However, neither Seth nor Jonathan had stopped these discussions. After re-watching the replay twice just now, both of them were perplexed and could not guess Renly's routine.

But Seth was also a little helpless. "Without James, Renly is our best choice. He hasn't fled now, we're lucky to have arrived, what else can we do?" That is, although he was also a little dissatisfied with Renly's self-assertion just now, this time they were the weaker party after all, and they couldn't force it too much.

Renly's rise is too fast, and its foundation is unstable. Even if there are two works "Buried Alive" and "Crazy in Love" successively, it is still difficult to convince the public. In the final analysis, he still belongs to the ranks of newcomers. In the "Anti-Cancer Me" crew, Renly is the actor with the least seniority, the least work, and the youngest age. A rash move may lead to doubts, let alone the shocking world just now?

"Yah", the door of the office was pushed open, the low voice of discussion disappeared instantly, the whole room became silent, everyone looked towards the door in unison, and then saw Renly reappearing.

Seth immediately changed his smile and said with surprise and enthusiasm, "Renly, you're back? It's not been half an hour."

Renly didn't seem to notice the swarming eyes from all directions, and walked straight forward, nodding politely at Seth, "I'm ready to start shooting again."