Chapter 385: Beacon

I stared at the cockroach in my hand for a long time, and suddenly smiled.

I have been thinking about others all my life, pursuing fairness from beginning to end, and I regard fairness as my life creed.

But who in the world has thought about it for me?

I face the whole world holding the scale in my heart, but it is always shaken and tilted by others.

When everyone introduces me, they say I am a famous "female" lawyer in Chengdu. I really hate this title.

What I want is equality, not preferential treatment.

I am a lawyer, whether I am famous or not, why do I have to emphasize that I am a "female" lawyer? I just want to be like other lawyers, I hope they can look at work ability, not gender.

But……

None of these things matter now.

Now I just want to drink some water and eat something sweet and salty.

My gums bleed all the time and they won't stop.

I might die...

You said...has anyone died in this room?

Why are there so many scratches on the walls?

Those scratches were not made by me, but they are still clear. Has anyone ever lived here?

The next night, the horse butcher appeared again.

This time, he probably couldn't stand the smell on my body, so he specially pulled a water pipe.

After he opened the door, he sprayed water on me without saying a word. He recorded the entire process on his mobile phone.

Yes, I look like a pig.

I remember that their butcher used a water gun to wash away the pig's body.

Now I don't have any dignity or personality, I'm just a pig waiting to be slaughtered.

Can you kill me?

He washed me for about ten minutes, and most of the dirt and mud on my body was washed away.

Even though I look like a pig, I have to say I feel much more comfortable now than before, at least I'm clean.

As a human being... you have to at least make sure you are clean, right?

I lay helpless on the ground, waiting for the horse butcher to come.

This absurd life is so ridiculous. My living situation is no different from the pigs in his pigsty.

No... to be precise, raising me is cheaper than raising pigs.

I can live on only three yuan a day, but pigs can't.

Pigs need to be fat and white before they can be sold for money, but I don't need that.

As long as I have one breath left and am still a living woman, I will still be useful to him.

When Ma Butcher was lying on my body and floating up and down, I used all my strength to say: "I can promise anything...can you let me go...?"

"It's impossible to let you go...it's not possible to specify..." He gasped and replied, "I have to lock you up for at least a few years...wait until the police can't find you..."

several years……?

Did I hear it wrong?

There are three hundred and sixty-five days in a year, right?

I only stayed here for twenty days and I was already dying.

How many more years will I stay here?

"I will die..." I couldn't even shed tears, only my voice was choking, "You left me here... I will die... Don't you want me to be your mother-in-law? What if I die?" manage……?"

"You are my mother-in-law now!!" He said forcefully, "It doesn't matter if you die, give me a baby before you die. If you give birth to a boy, I will let you die."

Such a life.

Exactly like what I imagined as a child.

"I promise... I promise you to have a baby..." I cried and said, "Can you let me out..."

"Stop dreaming, I will take you out when you give birth to a baby!"

Seeing him floating around minding his own business, I felt completely hopeless.

He really wanted me dead.

I slowly hugged his neck, opened my mouth forcefully, and while he was forgetful, I bit directly on his artery.

I want to kill him.

But I overestimated myself, and I had no strength at all.

My bite only hurt him and left deep tooth marks.

He also whined and stood up, then started punching and kicking me.

I clearly felt that his foot was always kicking towards my abdomen, but I couldn't stop him at all.

I was definitely going to get hurt, my internal organs and bones would be hurt in this hopeless situation.

They will exacerbate my death.

The next day, I couldn't even get up, so I could only move on the ground with difficulty.

I was coughing up blood all the time.

Yesterday, the horse butcher sprinkled water on the ground here, but there is no drainage outlet here.

All kinds of excrement and dirt on the ground were mixed with the water, soaked in moldy hay, and filled with a crushing smell in the summer of July.

And what about me?

I couldn't stand up and I was swimming in sewage.

All the dirt is covered in my body, and now I am just a pig wallowing in muddy soup.

I kept groping in the sewage, looking for my water and food today.

"Laidi, if you go to the city in the future, go to the police station and change your name as soon as possible."

A voice sounded in my ears. It was my enlightenment, my teacher. She had a different name from all the girls in the village. She was not called Laidi, Zhaodi, Pandi, nor Erni or San. Ni, her name is Ning Waner.

That year, she and I were standing in front of the lake at the head of the village watching the sunrise.

"Why?" I asked.

"Although you are excellent, this name will bring you a lot of trouble." She sighed and said, "I hope you can live a better life, not be trapped here for the rest of your life, you can choose your own life."

At that time, I didn't understand why. I was born inferior to others, but I could choose my own life?

"But what should I call myself?"

"Just whatever you like. The name is used to bless your own life, not to bless others' lives." The teacher coughed a few times and continued, "I hope you can be like this lake in the morning. When others give you a little warmth, you will reflect the dazzling sunshine. Even if your bottom is dark and cold, you must repay the world with ripple-like tenderness."

At that time, I didn't understand what the teacher said at all, but I saw her getting more and more haggard.

A lake in the morning?

Thinking about it now, she must have been sick at that time.

Is she okay? Has she recovered?

Is she still healthy now?

When I was a child, I never thought of leaving the teacher's contact information, which led to the fact that I couldn't find her after so many years.

"Laidi, I've heard a legend." The teacher looked at the lake and smiled at me calmly, "Everything in this world will live in other forms after death."

"What does that mean?"

"If I die one day, I may become a grass, a tree, a flying bird, or a grass insect."

I feel that what the teacher said is very profound, but it feels very interesting.

That is to say...all people in this world will not die?

If they die, they will become other things and live forever in the world in another form.

This sounds fair.

"I hope the teacher will never die." I said to her.

"Why?"

"Because no one in the world is so good to me." I looked at her eyes at that time and felt that she seemed to want to cry, "Teacher, even if you want to become a flying bird, a grass insect or a stone, I don't want you to die."

"Then the teacher will wait." She smiled.

Teacher Ning said that she would leave in three days, but she disappeared the next day.

I guess she was in a hurry and returned to the city in advance.