One Hundred and Seventeenth Worry About Gains and Losses

"Ronan, is this true?"

After the excitement and excitement, joy and madness, the thoughts gradually settle down, and the anxiety of gain and loss gradually begins to torment, because it is too beautiful and too happy to become unreal.

Ronan couldn't help being amused, and chuckled, "I don't know, maybe it's all a dream." Maybe, the fact that he became Ronan Cooper was just a dream, and the past few days Moon is all a dream, "But, Ollie, since it's a dream, why not make it bigger?"

"..." Oli was silent for a moment, then said softly, "Because I'm timid."

Ronan was slightly taken aback, this was not the Ollie he was usually familiar with.

Ollie let out a long low cry in depression, "I'm afraid. Afraid that our show will blow up, afraid that Bruno won't like our show, afraid that our opening show will be a disaster, afraid that our strength is only ourselves fantasy..." As he spoke, Ollie's voice slowly lowered and slowly dissipated into the air.

also?

Ronan caught the "also" in Oli's words, and couldn't help turning his head to look over, staring at the blurred outline of Oli in the night, but didn't know what to say.

Just when Ronan thought Ollie had fallen asleep, Ollie let out another long breath.

"well."

This made Ronan chuckle, "Ollie, don't sigh, it's easy to age."

"I feel like I'm aging now. Really! I seem to be able to clearly feel the passage of time at my fingertips, and then my body and soul are getting old like this." Ollie couldn't help but sighed, and then turned around suddenly Turning around, the mattress made a miserable whine, and he faced Ronan like this——

Because the location and transmission of the voice have changed, it can be felt that Ollie is now facing Ronan head-on.

"Ronan, you know? I always feel... I don't know, I always feel uneasy."

"I don't know if it started after Trastan left, or after the full moon party met Scooter, or...before then, I can feel a demon appearing in my heart, opening its teeth and claws , could devour me at any moment."

"They covet me in the dark, feed on my fear and anxiety, they can smell my hesitation, so they surround me, hovering like vultures, dragging my ankle bit by bit Go into a barren place where no one lives, and let me go mad there."

"The darkness slowly surrounded me like this, and I have nowhere to escape."

"I……"

As he spoke, Oli buried his head deeply in his hands, and could even feel the sound of his fingers hitting his head deeply, revealing the uncontrollable pain.

Watching Ollie curled up into a ball in the darkness, Ronan's mind once again recalled the quarrel that happened in the motel last time.

During their tit-for-tat collision, Oli left the center of the storm far away, carefully buried his head in the gravel like an ostrich, trying to protect himself; but in fact, in the depths of his soul, just like them It is already scarred, and it may even be more serious.

Because apart from Trastan and Scooter, Ollie also needs to bear the pull and tear from within the band. He tried his best to escape from those injuries, but found that the injuries happened all the time, and he was powerless to change the situation. situation, and then escaped into the darkness little by little.

It turns out that the "also" unconsciously uttered in the words just now refers to Trastan and Scooter, and there is also a dormant demon hidden in Oli's heart, constantly eating away at his belief and hope , Fear and anxiety continue to expand the territory, just like darkness swallowing light.

Ollie is also worried, worried about repeating the same mistakes,

Worrying about Bruno Mars being another Scooter experience, worrying about them falling flat again.

So, what attitude should they use to continue to persevere? What beliefs should they use to convince themselves to keep going?

This has nothing to do with music dreams, but their beliefs—what will collapse at that time may be all their persistence in the past seven years. If a person's belief that he has believed in for a lifetime is defeated, then it will be the real end of the world, completely falling apart from the outside to the inside.

Ronan had no answer for this either.

"I don't know, I don't know, and I don't know." Ollie was still whispering, weakly.

"I feel like a sand castle, the surrounding gravel is slowly falling, I can clearly feel the precarious sense of collapse, as if the whole castle will collapse at any time, and then the devil is slowly approaching, it It's becoming me, it's becoming me, I'm becoming my own enemy, I'm denying our insistence, I'm destroying our hope, I'm stopping it all."

"But there's nothing I can do."

"what to do?"

"Look at our practice, I am a disaster, if I stand in front of Bruno, but I become that demon, destroying our last hope, then what should we do?"

"What... what should I do? Get out of my head, I just hope they can get out of my head, get out."

"But...but I can't do it."

Gently, just so gently, Ollie's voice reveals a little confusion and confusion, that trembling fragility is carefully revealed in the darkness before dawn, under the bright and sunny appearance, There are many scars hidden, festering and bleeding.

Huffing and wheezing, Ollie was breathing heavily and cloudily, as if he was choked by the darkness, unable to breathe.

Ronan tried to make some voices, but found that the power of words was so insignificant at this moment, any words seemed pale and powerless.

This made Ronan let out a sigh of relief, gave up his plan to comfort Ollie, but thought about it seriously, and said softly, "Ollie, do you believe it? I'm afraid too. Everyone has their own demons in their hearts , not only you, but me too, Maxim too, and Cliff too."

"We are all afraid, anxious, and confused, because life has no correct answer, we don't know whether our choice is correct, and we will never know what the future is, unless we open the door of tomorrow with our own hands, We never know what awaits us behind the door. The only thing we can do is decide whether to push that door open or give up out of fear."

"But one thing is for sure, the fear is not going away, never will be."

Ronan is sincere.

From the last life to this life, Ronan has his own fears, deep fears, even now, he is still afraid of gains and losses:

What if all this is just a dream? What if you can't see again after opening your eyes tomorrow?

He has no answer.

And the only thing he can do is run, keep running, as long as he runs fast enough, maybe the devil in the dark will not catch up with his footsteps.