Chapter 1456 Is Finally an Illusion

Where am I lying?

Why is it so dark all around...

I vaguely seemed to hear someone talking, but I couldn't hear what the other party was saying clearly.

I'm a little tired, forget it, don't listen to it anymore, I think I should disappear soon, but before disappearing, I always think about my life.

My life...is actually quite interesting.

I never knew who I was.

So, I naturally don't know what my name is.

Maybe, I don't have a name.

It's strange, how can there be people without names? In my perception, it seems that everyone in this world has their own name.

Unfortunately, I didn't.

I can't remember why this happened, I just have a vague memory, it seems... a long time ago, I gave my name to someone else.

willingly.

I feel so stupid, how could I willingly give away my name...

I don't know, maybe there is a reason.

Alas, my thoughts seem to be a little confused, let me sort them out... In fact, these things always echo in my thinking, they seem to be very important, but I can't remember them, I just can't remember them, there is no way.

All I can remember is my childhood.

My childhood, I define it as the life before the age of twenty, in this ordinary world, like other children, I experienced school, experienced playing, and experienced seemingly childish games again and again.

But the people around me seem to always tell me to study hard, to do this, to do that... I was a little annoyed at first, until one day, when I looked at the rain falling from the sky, I suddenly wondered why it rained, What is the rain.

My teacher gave me the answer to this question. Perhaps from that day on, I have been curious about the world and everything. I like to ask why and get the answer, which will make me very satisfied.

For this satisfaction, I began to read and study seriously, and it seemed that there was a desire driving me to acquire all the unknown things.

Every time I gain new knowledge and every time I unravel a why, I will be very happy, very happy, and I feel that I seem to be a lot different.

Maybe it's because it's too ordinary, so I'm more obsessed with what I think is different, so I study harder to master all the knowledge I can master.

This kind of life lasted until I was twenty years old. At that time, I always wanted to express myself, whether it was in front of friends, teachers, or the opposite sex.

I always seem to want to show that I am different, and even deep down, I always feel that I am different from others.

Although... I don't have an outstanding appearance, I don't have a rich family, I'm just an ordinary existence among all living beings, but this doesn't affect my heart, there is a little bird living there.

This little bird, which flies freely in the sky, is my sustenance and the wings that make me feel different.

But in the final analysis, at that time, I was still somewhat polarized. The leap of thought and the ordinary reality made me like to be silent most of the time.

It was also at that time that I met a girl who was my classmate in the next class and also my first crush in life.

Secret love is happy, and secret love is also bitter.

But I am willing.

Because this makes me like to express myself more, all the time... I still remember that time, it seems that expressing myself is the instinct in my life, I even long for myself to be a hero, long for myself to be the darling of the world, long for myself to be able to Being the center of attention, and thus attracting her attention.

Therefore, every time I give a speech, I work very hard and obsessed, until this secret love is over.

It ended without a problem, and the other party didn't know at the end that I was secretly in love with her.

On the day of graduation, I was very sad, and I mustered up courage, but in the end... I still bowed my head silently, maybe it was a curse, and I still fell in love with him again in the higher halls of study afterwards.

During this period, I also fell in love with fortune-telling. Every time I was unhappy, I would find a fortune-teller, sit in front of him, and take out some money.

There is a little trick here, that is, you can’t give it first, and then you can get countless compliments, praises, good luck and other words, which will make me very happy, so after the end, Give your pocket money to the fortune teller.

This kind of life lasted for several years. Before graduation, I received the first love letter in my life. I was very happy, but I didn't like that girl.

After graduation, I had my own job, and my impulse to express myself seemed to have reached its peak at this time, so I worked hard, performed hard, and tried hard to gain recognition.

That period of life, recalling it now, is quite interesting, because in my hard work, I met a girl and we fell in love.

Love is a cup of bitter coffee.

Although it's bitter, it's also sweet, but at the end of the drink... it seems that I can't tell whether it's more bitter or sweeter.

My first love is over.

It was also at that time that I learned about the smoke in this world and was also attracted by the wine in this world. Since then, tobacco and wine have become a part of my life.

I am still working hard to perform, but the impulse in my heart seems to have faded a lot with the passage of time. It is also at this time that, for some reason, there are more people of the opposite sex around me.

The second love, the third love, the fourth love, cups of bitter coffee seem to be connected together, let me drink again and again, until one day, I met a woman, tall Tall, with crescent-like eyes when he smiles, it makes me feel very comfortable.

I thought, maybe this is the last cup of coffee I'll drink in my life.

We fall in love, we marry.

At that time, I felt that I could see my old appearance at a glance. It was very relaxed, comfortable and beautiful...

Until one day many years later, the mirror was shattered, and the marriage came to an end at this time.

Can't tell who is right or wrong, can't tell who blames whom.

Pain, struggle, gnashing of teeth, transformation... became the main theme of my time. The little bird in my heart also flew higher at this time, touched the sun, and gained sunshine.

Maybe fate likes to joke around with people. In my later life, there will be many opposite sexes in my world. The arrival of the group, and the departure of the group, while going round and round, also made me a little confused.

Because in the end... what I picked up from them were cups of bitter coffee, like smoke and wine.

Smoke hurts the lungs.

Alcohol hurts the liver.

The opposite sex... sad.

But I still like cigarettes, I still like wine, and I still have longing for love...

Until, when I was forty years old, I suddenly discovered that compared to the opposite sex, I prefer to chat with friends, talk about the past, and point out the future.

Whenever I drink, I like to pull my friends, brag together, laugh out loud together, tease together, like teenagers together.

Perhaps, it is this change that makes my friends more and more, I listen to their stories, they also listen to my stories, we talk freely, we pour out.

Maybe there will be some precautions, maybe some secrets, but it doesn't matter, happiness is the most important thing.

At that time, I realized that everyone is a book, everyone has a story, and everyone...in fact, they are all lonely in their bones.

And the more I know, the less lonely I seem to be.

Among my friends, there are men and women, old and young, all kinds of religions and high schools, but it doesn't matter. A sincere smile is the power to break everything.

Gradually, more and more friends like to talk to me.

Gradually, my smile became brighter.

Gradually, I seem to have found a way to make myself happy.

Telling, at that time in my life, beyond knowledge, beyond performance, beyond love, became the most important part of me.

This is a kind of sharing, perhaps because the inner squeeze has reached a certain level, as if the water is overflowing, not only I need it, many people... need it.

In this sharing and narration, I have gone through year after year. I don’t know when, I no longer like to narrate, and I start to pursue comfort, which includes both spirit and material.

I think it was when my hair started to turn gray.

I am no longer limited to what to do, no longer limited to what to think, I will think about and complete all the things that make me feel comfortable, I start to like looking at the blue sky, white clouds, and sunrise , but I don't like sunsets.

But I also like the starry sky in the dark night.

I like to sit in a rocking chair, have a drink, take a book casually, and read it while enjoying the air, time, and everything.

I stopped staying up late, I started waking up early.

I am no longer obsessed with the why of everything, because many of them I have the answer.

I no longer want to express, because I see too thoroughly.

I also don't go to constantly tell, because that would be boring.

I don't even think about the opposite sex anymore, because when I look at them, I just smile, and there may be some memories in my eyes, but the figures in the memories may not be clear to me.

The only thing I pursue is to make myself live more comfortably and feel more at ease. It seems that everything in this world has become better in my eyes.

This kind of life lasted for a long time... Until one day, I touched my face and felt a lot of wrinkles. I looked at my hands and saw a lot of wrinkles and plaques.

My eyes were also a little dim, and everything around me was also blurred, but looking at me in the mirror, I still worked hard to straighten my body, and there was still beauty in my smile.

It's just...outside the mirror, I know, I'm scared.

I became very timid, I became very cautious.

I know what I'm afraid of, because sometimes after waking up at night, I seem to be able to see the figure transformed from the breath of death, looking at me silently outside the window.

It seems that they are calling me, waiting for me.

I don't want to follow them.

Even among them, some are old friends of mine.

I don't want to see them, I'm scared.

I don't want to die, I want to live, to live forever... This urge to survive makes me feel difficult to breathe sometimes.

At this time, I will pay attention to those old friends who are still there, tell them to pay attention to their health, and care about their health, because... I don't want to see them go away.

It makes me more out of breath and more afraid of death.

Man, why should there be death?

I often think about this question, and I also think about what I am afraid of. Is it really afraid of death...

The answer is yes.

But behind this affirmative answer, I have another answer.

I am afraid of being alone.

I'm gone and I'll be alone.

When they are gone, I will be lonely too.

This fear of death and loneliness turned into a force that seemed to fill my whole body to support my existence, but... my body seemed to be riddled with holes. After this force emerged, And at a speed visible to my naked eyes, it dissipated along those sores.

I want to keep them, but I can't.

It seems that I don't even have the strength to get up, I feel the breath of death has permeated me, my desire, everything about me seems to be disappearing.

At that moment, I suddenly understood a truth.

Scared, no use.

That day, I remember, I seemed to have strength again, so I tried to sit up, dressed myself neatly, walked to the yard, walked to my rocking chair, and finally sat on the rocking chair, watching the sunset in the distance.

The autumn wind was blowing, and it was icy cold, making the branches in the yard shake slightly.

On the branch, in this season, there is only one yellowed leaf left, which is curled up and insisted on not falling.

I looked at the sunset, looked at the only leaf on the branch, and suddenly felt that all this was very beautiful, and gradually... I smiled.

In this smile... I saw the sunset, I saw the moment when the dusk passed, the only leaf on the branch fell.

Floating...just like my rocking chair.

Until, it floated in front of my eyes, covered my eyes, covered all the light, and made this world come to an end in my eyes.

But my consciousness didn't seem to dissipate.

It's dark all around me, I don't know where I am, maybe still in the rocking chair...

It is precisely because my consciousness is still there that... I have this period of memories of my own life.

I think my life may not be wonderful for others, but for me, it is my only one.

It was also at this time that I seemed to hear the call again, and heard the voice...

It seems that someone is calling me to wake me up...

But I can't hear it clearly, I can only identify it based on my feelings, and that voice is somewhat familiar, as if I have heard it in the past.

"What is he saying……"

"Louder, I can't hear you." I spoke hard into the darkness, maybe my hard work worked, and gradually, when my consciousness was about to blur, the voice became clearer.

"I hope... you can live forever and be free."

My mind shook violently!

"I hope... you can live forever and be happy."

My consciousness set off a huge wave! !

"I hope...you can live forever and never forget your original intention."

There is a roar in my heart! ! !

"I hope... you can live forever, happy and beautiful."

My soul shakes the star ring! ! ! !

"Finally, I will return the name Wang Baole to you." The moment the familiar voice came to my ears... the eyes of the body floating in the starry sky... suddenly opened! ! !

"My name is... Wang Baole!"

epilogue

Thick rings of Saturn.

In the emptiness of the starry sky, Wang Baole stood silently at the place where he was awake, with deep and complicated eyes, staring blankly at the distance for a long, long time... He raised his hand and stroked the center of his brow.

After a while, Wang Baole sighed softly, as if he knew it long ago, he lowered his right hand and grabbed it in the distance. A bead and a wine gourd appeared in front of him.

Looking at the beads, Wang Baole was silent for a long time, raised his left hand, and held it gently.

The size of a bead is exactly three inches from the palm of your hand, it is all of him, and it is also his world.

In the end, he picked up the jug with his right hand, put it near his mouth, and took a big gulp... Shaking his head bitterly, he walked silently towards the distant Xinghai.

His back is lonely and bleak, the further he walks, the further away he is.

"This lonely road, let's... continue walking..."

forever an illusion

Who is the gift and who is the robbery...

complete book