Chapter 785 Chapter 784 "?"

Chapter 785 Chapter 784·"?"

["Which of the two has been copied, and who has disappeared? Who smiles with two smiles? Whose voice speaks for both voices? Who nods in agreement for both heads? Whose gesture raises the teaspoon to lips? Who peels Another person's skin? Who is still alive, who has passed away, entangled in whose palm prints?"]

[——"Selected Poems of Szymborska"]

…

…

[Today is the 32nd year since the disaster, the first time we met. 】

[He has an approachable aura about him. I seem to understand who the person I have been waiting for is. I invited him to walk with me and he wasn't afraid of me, which was a perfect start and I'm sure we'll be great friends until the end of my life. 】

…

"Da da da."

Su Mingan stepped back step by step, his vision spinning and falling in resonance, and countless emotions collided in his mind.

Heavy rain, red blood, blue blood, broken experimental fluid, sludge, dust, splashing broken ginkgo leaves...he could only see these things.

When the heel of the shoe was empty, he immediately grasped the raised glass piece next to him to prevent him from falling, and blood flowed down the palm of his hand.

He couldn't hear the voices of Captain Mu and Xiaomei, and only the dim sound of Linguang was left in his ears.

The impact of this emotional resonance far exceeded his ability to resist.

...Because he and Lin Guang have almost no similarities. Completely different emotional resonance than Akto.

Lin Guang stood in the hall, his head slightly lowered. Even the expression has lost its sense of reality, and the shadows cover up the only facial features, like a static stone sculpture.

…

[That night, I saw him through the window of the City of God. He was collecting paints in Qiu Li's room. What was so good about those gouache? 】

[He must be very cold. 】

【I'm going to find him. 】

…

The scarlet, tangled hose twisted crazily behind Lin Guang, like waves of wheat under repeated autumn winds. His fingers seemed to be held by the evening wind, bending subconsciously, but unable to hold anything.

He looked at Su Mingan standing at the edge of the window.

Su Ming'an was covered in blood.

Su Mingan's eyes were hazy.

Su Mingan was only one step away from falling.

Su Mingan looked in pain.

Lin Guang felt a subtle sense of joy in his heart.

Like an innocent child, he felt the joy of revenge and the unspeakable sourness and pain. He was obviously happy but sad at the same time. He seemed to have felt this feeling many times.

When he shot himself or pinched his neck, he felt this mixture of happiness and pain.

Because I have never felt many emotions and don’t know their definition, I can’t tell what it is.

What distinguishes humans from animals is not their natural attributes, but their social attributes. Social attributes arise from the interaction between people, such as communication, walking, and cooperation. Only by constantly summarizing the experience of these things can people become more and more like "people".

But he didn't.

He doesn't look like that at all.

…

[I crawl towards him. 】

[He actually smiled. 】

[Is it funny to see me dying on the ground? 】

[I took a walk with him at night yesterday, and he was obviously very happy. If he likes the scenery before the catastrophe of the century, he doesn't need Qiu Li to draw it, I can show him any number. I already understand that the reason why I want to find a person with black hair and gray eyes so much is to meet him. 】

[I want to tell him that I want to be friends with him. But he had his gun pointed at me. 】

【Why? 】

【……】

[Just because I have the "camp BOSS" logo in his field of vision? 】

[So I can’t have good intentions towards him? 】

[So he must reject me? 】

…

【I see. 】

[The gods told me - just order the beacon gathering place and let them hand him over directly. It turns out that this is the right way to make friends. 】

…

Lin Guang walked towards Su Mingan.

"Lin Guang, does it have to be like this?"

Su Mingan's voice was very soft and slow, and could even be called kind. During the years of the War of Dawn, when he was spreading the Lighthouse Religion, Su Mingan had this soft story-telling tone, which was extremely confusing.

"You are Akto's most trusted person. You have the highest administrator authority. You are also the only one who can compete with the gods. If you attack me again, there will be no hope for the ruined world." Su Mingan said softly: " You are his best companion, don’t let him down.”

Lin Guang stopped.

They looked at each other about ten steps apart, and Lin Guang suddenly said:

"...Then why didn't you say this earlier?"

Su Mingan said "Huh?" very softly, as if he was comforting a restless pet.

"Why didn't you say this earlier?" Lin Guang said.

His voice became hoarse, as if a heavy weight was settling in his pupils.

"If you could treat me earlier and treat me with such a gentle tone. If you could obey me a little, give me a little warmth, smile at me like you treat your companions, and promise to be friends with me." Lin Guang said lowly. The voice said: "Is this what we will become?"

Su Ming'an's eyes trembled, and after a moment, he whispered:

"meeting."

Because that's who you are.

Lacking emotions, having no basic three views and bottom line, and being slightly bewitched by gods, they will do the most horrific things. How can you be friends with me when there is a god in my ear.

No matter how I treat you, we will get to where we are now. This is the plan of the gods, leaving no gaps.

"No." Lin Guang denied persistently: "There must be a possibility for us to become good friends."

"In the 32nd year of the disaster, if I wanted your city of gods, would you agree?" Su Mingan said suddenly.

"..." Lin Guang's expression trembled violently, and after a moment, he said tremblingly: "No."

"Will you agree to a nuclear explosion in Catastrophe 4?" Su Mingan asked again.

Lin Guang clenched his fists: "...No."

"Tell me all the secrets you hide, Cataclysm, will you agree?" Su Mingan asked the third question.

Lin Guang lowered his head: "No."

"Then..." Su Ming'an asked the fourth question softly: "In the 71st year of the disaster, I want you to retreat now and not to collude with the gods. Will you agree?"

There was a long silence.

Four questions, none of which Lin Guang could give a positive answer to. These four questions are all goals that Su Mingan must achieve.

How could they possibly be on the same page? Fundamentally there is an inevitable contradiction.

How could they be friends.

"Every time I begged you to come with me and get out of the fiery pit of Doomsday City, you refused. In the end, you were betrayed by humans again and again as I expected." After a moment, Lin Guang said:

"But when they ask you to stay and take care of them, you always stay without hesitation and don't come with me. It's like I am a pit of fire."

"You don't give me any tenderness. You only start persuading me when you need me. I am like a tool to you."

When Lin Guang said this, he suddenly stretched out his hand. Su Ming'an was about to retreat, but found that Lin Guang was only reaching towards him.

Like crazy, Lin Guang took off his Hanfu, revealing his shoulders, forearms, abdomen... bleeding bandages, and the purple pinch marks on his neck. The bright red blood seeped out with the movement, staining the bandage like a white rose stained with blood.

Su Mingan watched this scene with vigilance. Only then did he realize that Lin Guang was seriously injured and there were wounds all over his body.

Who can hurt Lin Guang?

"I seem to have told you more than once, don't treat me as an NPC." Lin Guang tugged on the blood-stained bandage and whispered: "But your attitude has been like this from beginning to end. Treat me like a bird that can be treated at any time. Crazy beast—you never considered that I might not have bad intentions for you.”

"Of course I have considered it." Su Mingan said softly: "You personally crushed my considerations."

"The gods told me that this is the right thing to do. I don't know how to hurt you." Lin Guang said.

"A beast driven by people." Su Mingan said, "Isn't it a beast?"

He closed his fingers together, and the glass wound on his palm was still bleeding.

"You sewed up the wounds you caused." Su Mingan raised his tone again: "Does it mean that no harm was ever caused?"

There were cracks in Lin Guang's expression.

He seemed to realize something and looked at Su Ming'an with a dull look, as if begging Su Ming'an not to continue talking.

Don't...continue.

please.

"If you really are Lu Shu..." Su Ming'an said loudly. He clenched his fists, forgetting that the wound was still bleeding, and his last voice was as sharp as a knife:

"——After doing those things for forty years, can you still be Lu Shu?"

What makes people human is the social relationships between them. When this kind of social relationship and experience are no longer there, then this person can no longer be the person in the social relationship.

At this moment,

A tight string on Lin Guang's body broke with his broken expression.

…

[I look down at this world like a god. I never thought that one day I would be as humble as a rat in the gutter. 】

[I never understood what "friends" meant or what "loneliness" was. All I could feel was despair and numbness. Finally, I can detect a little bit of happiness, and I want to keep it. 】

【but why……】

[Can’t do it? 】

…

"good."

At this moment, Lin Guang's voice was very quiet. He stood there like a lonely tree.

A pale smile appeared on his pale face, like a rotten tree that had finally broken under the load.

"It's still Lu Shu."

"Still... Lu Shu."

He put his fingers against his left chest and tore off the bandage there. Then, he put his fingers close to the skin there, dug his nails into it, and actually began to tear the skin on his left chest. The blood flowed along the nails, seeped into the gaps between the nails, and flowed between his fingers.

Su Ming'an looked at this scene and felt Lin Guang's actions were more and more ridiculous. He moved to the right step by step and called "Team Mu" in a low voice.

The words flashing in front of him seemed to be Team Mu's response, but due to the overlapping visual and auditory hallucinations, Su Mingan couldn't see clearly.

Wave after wave, too strong emotional resonance overwhelmed all his senses, as if there was a figure in Hanfu, silently staying in the rain, holding an oil-paper umbrella.

Blood flowers spread in the water, and the figure in Hanfu moved slightly, with his head raised, not knowing where he was looking.

[Does it still make sense? 】

【You must never give up. 】

[It doesn’t matter if you were shot, stabbed with a sword, pushed off the train, or burned by flames. 】

[It doesn’t matter if you are misunderstood or hated. 】

【You must never give up. 】

…

In the continuous hallucinations, Su Mingan even saw a white-haired figure standing indoors under the dim light. He put the dried ink couplets into his travel backpack; sorted out the flute scores; sorted the ginkgo leaves on which he wrote the diary by year and locked them into the cabinet one by one; he hid the stitches carefully and wound out a The clanging knots.

"You see, I will come find you on my next trip. This is the flute I intend to give you."

The white-haired young man was halfway through arranging his clothes, holding a flute and talking to himself in the air, with a warm contentment in his expression.

It was as if there really was a friend in the air, communicating with him every day and caring about him all the time.

But in fact,

No one.

Then it all turned into a fire that burned away all satisfaction. In the fire, the only sound was the voice of the mercenary who set the fire calling him a devil.

…

[Does it still make sense? 】

【You must never give up. 】

…

[——Grandma, I saved you, can you answer me, what is love? 】

【——Lin Guang! Devil! leave me alone! leave me alone! 】

…

[——Don’t come to places like this where there are strange beasts from now on. You are the leader of the mercenary group, so you should know a lot of things. Can you answer me, what is love? 】

[——Lin Guang, although we are grateful to you for saving me. But please leave. If others see me standing with you, I will no longer be the leader of the mercenary group. 】

…

[——Little girl, I have driven away the robber. Can you answer me, what is love? 】

【--Who are you! It’s the bad guy my mother told me to stay away from! You are Lin Guang! I've seen your portrait! Mom, please help me! ! 】

…

"Da da da."

In the hallucination, Su Mingan saw thousands of ginkgo leaves that looked like butterfly wings. The cold wind blew these "butterflies" away, and countless golden leaves shone like stars.

The white-haired agent stood at the door of the garden villa. The white grid surrounded the lights, making the clear water shine brightly, like a long bridge of water and light.

His expression was blank, an expression that he could not understand everything.

He has no basic thinking logic, cannot perceive positive emotions, cannot communicate with others reasonably, cannot love others, and cannot be loved. It's like a person who has lost all five senses since birth and is covered in a black shell. His behavior is always mixed with innocence and cruelty.

Then, he turned his head and looked at Su Mingan, as if he saw a living butterfly hidden among thousands of ginkgo leaves.

A smile appeared on his pale face:

"xxx."

"xxxx?"

…