414 Mouth Full of Bitterness

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"Look at your MRI, and it shows that, down the lower end of your spine, there's a pod-like thing spreading, and it's actually a large schwannoma."

Adam was listening carefully, and although he was distracted for a moment, on the whole, he was really listening intently—at least trying to concentrate, but these medical terms were really unfriendly, He is now full of question marks and confused.

"Okay... huh?" Realizing that the doctor's words were over, Adam responded conditionedly and nodded, but his eyes were blank, showing the opposite meaning, and even the ending of the words was soft. It rose, showing his confusion and uncertainty.

He was at a loss for words for a while, his pupils were shaking unsteadily, his brain could not respond effectively, he pondered, put on a polite smile, and tentatively asked, "Sorry, did you speak English just now? "

The doctor seemed to be accustomed to such a situation for a long time, interrupted Adam's words, and said bluntly, "It is a malignant tumor."

"Tumor?" Adam's head full of question marks had already landed in his eyes, and the corners of his mouth rose indistinctly, an inexplicable sense of absurdity surging between his brows.

"Yes." The doctor avoided Adam's eyes.

"Me?" Adam's eyebrows were raised, he seemed to have heard a joke, and the smile had already flowed from the bottom of his eyes.

"Yes." The doctor was still avoiding his eyes. He kept his head facing Adam, but his eyes had drifted to other places. Since entering the room, he had never looked directly at Adam.

"Pfft." Adam finally couldn't hold back any longer, he laughed, shrugged his shoulders, and rolled his eyes in disbelief, "But it doesn't make sense at all." Adam's eyes widened, his hands spread, The fact is reasonable, the smile and ridicule in his eyes are very conspicuous, "I mean, I neither smoke nor drink... I am a recycling type." After speaking, Adam rolled his eyes, as if he was Tucao yourself.

Recycling is actually the awareness of environmental protection, and the earliest meaning is the reuse of domestic waste. But now it has gradually developed into a life attitude. In particular, adhere to a green and healthy lifestyle.

But recycling is also considered to be a label for the self-proclaimed value orientation of the white middle class, and it has become the object of many people's complaints, which is what Adam rolled his eyes.

The doctor didn't understand Adam's humor, he raised his eyes and glanced at Adam quickly, but then lowered his head again, concealing his true emotions, "Actually, your situation is rather special, because of your disease. Very rare, the gene mutation of chromosome 17, the mutated p53 gene causes the cancer of the cell..."

But this simple action fell in Adam's eyes, but it further widened the distance between the two people, cold, unfamiliar, indifferent, desperate, and the white in all directions began to surge, pulling all the colors away.

The smile at the corners of Adam's mouth and the bottom of his eyes stiffened little by little. The soul seemed to be leaving the body, leaving only a body. The doctor's words began to lose their structure, leaving only a blur of syllables on the eardrum. He kept beating, like an echo in the valley, going around constantly, but couldn't hear the specific words.

what gene? What chromosome? What mutation? What is cancer?

These words seem so familiar yet so unfamiliar; seem so close yet so far away. He tried to listen more carefully; he tried to understand every word of the doctor, but gradually lost his grasp of the syllables. He didn't understand a word of those words, he only understood the doctor's tone—

Quiet and stable, which means cold and alienation, no room for maneuver; professional and objective, widening the distance between doctors and patients. He didn't even dare look directly into his eyes.

sick, so he is sick.

But what does this mean? What kind of illness did the doctor just say? Why can't he remember at all, why has his brain fallen into a blank? His mind was completely bogged down?

What exactly is going on? Who can answer him?

He tried hard to see the doctor's eyes, to find a touch of emotional warmth in those eyes, but he failed. The evasive eyes left only an indifferent profile, like a god in high places, calmly and objectively stating the facts, but this fact cruelly and fiercely broke his life.

At this very moment, his life was judged: a judgment that he could neither resist nor change.

Those dark brown eyes began to become hollow, like a black hole of quicksand. You could vaguely see the quicksand sinking, but you couldn't see the limit. It just kept sinking and looping endlessly. It was just a black hole the size of an embroidery needle, and it began to slowly expand, swallowing the color of the entire pupil.

Gradually, slowly, the soul hidden in the depths of the pupils dissipated like a wisp of blue smoke.

The calm and dazed can't find any focus and focal length, and it falls to the ground, just like the arctic circle in the cold winter. Before the horizon, everything is lost in that pure and penetrating white.

Nothingness, emptiness. But the corners of his mouth were still stiff with the arc of a smile, but he could no longer feel the warmth of any smile, which made people shudder.

.

White, he hates white, endless white, everywhere he sees is white, cold and neat, but he can't see any changes, just like his life.

Lying in the hospital bed/on every day, waiting for the doctor's routine rounds, then checking, and finally listening to the diagnosis without any change, it's like a white world with no end and no boundaries in sight, no matter how he runs, No matter how he changed direction, no matter how he changed speed, the surrounding scenery would not change at all. The first and last days seem to be the same.

Boring, boring, and cookie-cutter, he was stuck in the same place, unable to find an exit, and couldn't stop.

The memories of the last life were like a flood that burst a dyke, vented down, and devoured him unexpectedly. The suffocation, anger and despair that were imprisoned in a small space swept over again, and it was too late to breathe, rational. It was burned in an instant.

He struggled, tried desperately to struggle, but to no avail, his body could not hear the slightest call; so he began to roar, roaring angrily: Liar! The doctor in front of you is a liar!

His life is over at this moment, with no future in sight, no tomorrow.

He's going to be stuck in this hospital bed/for ten years, a full ten years, a long ten years, a ten year with no end in sight. He even wondered if death on the spot would be a better choice? He was like a corpse, imprisoned in this white world, and even the right to struggle and resist was deprived.

But the doctor dared not look him in the eye.

Roaring, but he couldn't hear any sound, the deep part of his soul was roaring frantically, but his body was stiff, and he couldn't make a sound - he could see the colorful colors of the world, he could see the doctor's Chattering, he could even see his hands and feet, but his soul drifted away in the chaotic darkness, gradually losing all control over his body.

Exhausted all the strength, still no movement.

The smell of fluttering in the air, mixed with the stimulation of hydrogen peroxide and the dryness of the medicine, filled the chest cavity and kept surging, making it disgusting. Is he Chu Jiashu? Or Adam? The boundary between reality and fantasy suddenly became blurred, and there was a sharp and deep pain in the heart, as if the pendant had penetrated into the depths of the soft heart.

tumor. cancer.

Suddenly, these two no-unfamiliar words popped into his mind in an unreasonable way, rampant, which made him a little irritable and a little flustered. For no reason. He didn't understand, what did these two terms have to do with him?

He only came here for a checkup because of low back pain and poor sleep quality, didn't he? So why is he here? Why does he have this conversation with the doctor? Why did he feel an uncontrollable agitation and anger, why was there an emotion surging in his chest, and he wanted to vent?

Adam tried to regain his senses, he raised his hands, wanted to do something, but didn't know what to do, paused in the air without a trace, then fell down again, holding the back of the chair , Suddenly, as if grabbing a life-saving straw, all the muscles in the body tightened, all the strength gathered towards the hands, and the whole person stood up with support.

But soon, the whole person fell down and sat down again, and the power that had just gathered in an instant dissipated again in a blink of an eye, and the whole person seemed to have his spine taken away, sitting in the chair helplessly and helplessly; Moving around, the pupils vibrated aimlessly, making people feel the shock and trembling in their hearts clearly, like autumn leaves shivering in the cold storm.

That kind of panic dragged his body little by little into the dark darkness, he was struggling, he was shouting, he was asking for help, but no one could hear it, everything in sight became Blurred and colorful halo, even the outline cannot be captured. He was breathing heavily, but he could not feel the slightest oxygen in his lungs, and the rising warmth began to burn. In panic and confusion, he couldn't find the focus.

He raised his eyes and caught them in a panic, then the outlines of the characters in his sight became clear again, and the doctor's voice became clear again.

I don't understand, he still doesn't understand, he seems to understand, but he doesn't seem to understand anything. The tinnitus kept reverberating, but that was the only focus in sight, and the only person he could ask for help.

Involuntarily, the body leaned forward slightly, full of desire, the desire to survive.

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