Reporting the Recent Situation and Taking a Few Days Off First

I was very sorry that I stopped writing after only saying one sentence the day before yesterday, so I will report my recent situation here.

My writing has become increasingly difficult in the past three years. I have a detailed outline, and I know what I should write and what I want to write. Many plots have been decided long ago. But some psychological factors make my mind go blank as soon as I open Word, and I am even so stressed that I feel sick. It was not until I really vomited after sitting for more than ten hours the day before yesterday that I realized that I was really not good enough. I went to the hospital for diagnosis and found that I have a tendency to depression and anxiety.

Fortunately, it is not serious.

Under the guidance of the doctor, I did some reflection. Three years ago, I wrote that "fantasy" is a layer of "eggshell" that wraps around the fragile spirit and provides an environment for the still weak self to grow - this is the meaning of the existence of "fairy tales", "virtualization" and "fantasy stories". I have always thought so. For me, "creating fantasy themes" is a process of building barriers.

But this book is a little different. It is not pure fantasy. It started with my resentment and my unwillingness to accept the modern and contemporary magical history. You should understand it after reading the first chapter related to the work. Three years ago, I was full of resentment. But this emotion can't last for three years.

"Fantasy" is a very strange thing. You have to pretend to believe it in order to get the maximum enjoyment. If you really believe it, it will not be fun. For example, I can pretend to believe that there is a poor guy named "Mongert" who is despised but longs for love, and has practiced fast and slow swordsmanship and unlimited swordsmanship to be strong and good - and then enjoy the sense of accomplishment of hunting him. But if I believe that there is such a person in the world, then when I cut the knife, my heart is not pure sense of accomplishment.

Because you are just pretending to believe, you can break out of the shell at any time. As long as you are strong enough.

But "venting" is different. If you don't believe it is real, it is meaningless to output to the fake thing, and you feel boring.

Therefore, if we use the "eggshell" metaphor, "Cyber ​​Heroes" is abnormal. It is cracked.

At the same time, it is too long, I have lasted for three years. But it is my livelihood.

I had to force myself to write. The more I wrote, the more tortured I became. At the same time, the slower I wrote, and I fell into a vicious cycle. But the pressure of survival made me unable to stop.

I had to reflect on it.

Of course, I didn't intend to give up on this book. I love writing, and I have poured a lot of emotion into this book. It's just that my illness has made it impossible for me to continue to torture myself for a short period of time. I will take a break for a few days to see the effect. Maybe I will create some highly fantasy works to heal myself, or maybe I will choose to open two books and alternate them in the future.

Of course, I will take a break for two days now.